You have a great intro paragraph, and really do a good job of presenting the issue and both sides associated with it. It seems as though you only have the 2 main sides of the arguments covered and supported. Try and find a third somewhere in the middle. The sentences seem to be phrased just fine. Those that are not can very easily be rearranged when you go back through later on, but the basic ideas are all there.
I think this is very well written paper. You had a very good intro paragraph. There could be a little more organization with the topics, like make the first paragraph just an intro to the topic, then make paragraphs for each perspective. Also, I think the last paragraph is supposed to be about what you have to research more about or a "so what," instead of more information.
2 comments:
You have a great intro paragraph, and really do a good job of presenting the issue and both sides associated with it.
It seems as though you only have the 2 main sides of the arguments covered and supported. Try and find a third somewhere in the middle.
The sentences seem to be phrased just fine. Those that are not can very easily be rearranged when you go back through later on, but the basic ideas are all there.
I think this is very well written paper. You had a very good intro paragraph. There could be a little more organization with the topics, like make the first paragraph just an intro to the topic, then make paragraphs for each perspective. Also, I think the last paragraph is supposed to be about what you have to research more about or a "so what," instead of more information.
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